Return of the samey. Gah!

So it’s been four months since I was last on my wordpress blog but I have occasionally been thinking about weird and wonderful ways I could bring it back with a happy vibe somehow. All of my previous posts have been so sombre and depressing, mainly how I liked to see how everything functioned in life, but over the past four months I’ve been doing a lot of soul-searching and finding.

Too many things were stressing me out and I’ve pin-pointed them and dealt with them in the best ways I can. Work, play and definitely. And I told myself I’d be creative with my new remixed blog to reflect my new neutrality on all things around me, but my day has been sooo long! I woke up to go to work at 4.45 am after a wedding the previous evening (Turkish weddings take place between 6pm and 1am, at least they used to).

Now work has started to grate on me as, even though I love my job, people taking the piss and getting away with everything is very annoying to me.

And family. The biggest thing today that ticked me off.

I think it’s time to take more action in my life, move on up and out. I’ve already taken the baby steps but it looks like things aren’t going to change unless I exeunt sty.

It can’t be that hard to move out. I have a small trickle of income and some money saved up for a car which I can rather use on necessities. Get rid of my car and get a ped which I’ve always wanted and it’s one more step to getting rid of what is always holding me back. Too much respect and values for the family. It seems everyone else has got it from an earlier age but I’m getting there now.

Soon! Victory will be mine!

Numb

Anybody else seen the film “Numb” with Matthew Perry of F.R.I.E.N.D.S fame? It’s about a man who is battling a condition known as depersonalisation – a mental struggle to decipher what is real and isn’t, even when it’s attached to his own body i.e. seeing his hand but not recognising it as a part of him.

It has a bit of a love story attached to it, and by that I mean it becomes the driving force in this tale which is quite moving. This kind of detracts from what the film seems to be about – and it’s the feeling of isolation and of being alone.

A couple of times you get to see Perry hyperventilating due to anxiety and stress and I found it quite… uncomfortable to watch. Not because of a brilliant performance (although I’m not saying his acting is bad – I like his style even if it is a bit “TV show-like”).

Basically I thought it was pretty good. Very slow, a slightly depressing take on life and the fact that this is used as a selling point to the audience; the back of the box reads: “… Numb will warm the heart of anybody who has ever teetered on the edge of breakdown”. Hmm.

I’m not quite sure if it is setting out to make people a little bit unhappier as it tries to end on a better note with him working his issue out a bit, but throughout the film you just see his “suffering”.

Not one to watch if you’re feeling a little down. Perhaps one if you’re feeling a little deep / broody.

Busy bodies

Working hard and the antibodies job.

Today has been a busy day. First of all I had to go to work on my day off due to unforseen circumstances with other collegaes. This was okay – working until 11 isn’t too much hassle (getting up at 5 am is worse).

But due to a huge increase in sales projections and therefore stock orders, it took a lot longer to fill the store.

I ended up leaving work at around 5.30 pm having witnessed my manager (and the managers of other departments) getting a bollocking from the second in command. Ouch.

I got to do a tasting session of some of the fruits that I put out on an almost daily basis in my almost place of home. Two types of clementine, one mandarin, papaya, lychee, pomegranate, cripps pink, red delicious and jonagold apples and a carrot. Everything was alright (the clementines being the best of the (wait for it – here comes the fruit pun) bunch) while the worst was the mandarin which tasted like … bad.

Making my way downtown, walking fast, faces passed and I’m homebound.. (interlude)

Looks like I made it. Wish a happy brithday to my friend on the way home and a happy birthday to my dad as I walk through the door.  Manage to, in the end, persuade him to go out for a meal even though he didn’t really want to. I thought I was being a good son. He picked a place – set on going. It was in Tottenham.

Immediately when being told which establishment it was in a row of shops that looked a bit iffy, I thought it’d be better to ask my dad if we had the right place.

“Yes, this place was so popular with Turkish Cypriots before you were born.” “Your mum’s uncle’s wife’s nephew’s old place – new owners now though it looks like.” “Oh your uncles not together with his wife anymore? Too bad” (etc – I could paraphrase a lot more.)

My dad is a proud man. This is not a good influence.

We’re led through to the tables – everything looking way out of date except for the tables which are new fancy style carpeted with a easy to clean see-through nylon type cover. I have a weird feeling about everything else though and feel quite unclean all of a sudden. I exclaim that I am scared of what I order and I see all the negativity start to upset my dad. This is where it’s time to turn something you actually hate into something you appear to love… or can accept.

I order the kofte and chips thinking “doner will be really nasty if it’s going to be bad – at least this has spices in it which will have cooked it from the inside a bit…” Cluthicng at straws you might say but what straws to clutch onto… My brother got what I’d usuasally order – the dner was nasty. Chicken or lamb it didn’t matter. My sister’s boyfriend also didn’t touch much after the first bite. Both were a bit rank in tatse and look – chips were even barely passable as food (how can you go wrong?). My sister had the burned lamb shish (at least you couldn’t see it as raw), my gran the chicken shish, my mum the same as me and my dad the lamb shish and lamb doner.

The whole time I just felt this weird uncomfratable vibe from myself and dad – it really got to me how sucky this place was and the fact my dad would not admit this. Perhaps it’s gaining a year and looking back with fond memories trying to remember them. I wasn’t there though but this place sure wasn’t what he recalled (except for the decor).

Even just walking from the car to the place was enough to make me want to cry for my own area – two drunks outside a shop talking. That was it – I was off in my mind (some of the drunks had remained as we were leaving and proceeded on swearing down their phone. Nice).

My mum kept making comments – negative comments – the whole time and would not take a hint – again making me feel bad.

I got the food down me – the guy serving us took our plates without asking if we had finished. I did not care about this fact and was glad that we were leaving.

The fact of the matter is, my dad really wanted to go to this place and really wanted it to be as he had imagined. He tried to make it this and therefore kept an open mind. A biased mind but nonetheless. This place was not nice, I would not advice it to anyone and like I said I felt quite scared of what the food would do to me.

I just wish my dad  ahppy birthday and many more to come and hope I can make a better one next year or in the near future. He deserves it.

Now, my white blood cells need a good pat on the back too.

The Unborn

If you’re a bit squeamish, then you might want to wish this film unborn.

The premise is this. A girl by the name of  (I forgot this) is having these dreams about a child. A dead child. Also within this dream are images of a dog with a mask on (very scary) and an unborn baby.

I don’t want to reveal too much because I actually thought it had a brilliant riginal story. It has a bit of excorsism mixed with real life historical events and religion. Then there are lots of scenes where the main starlet gets her kit off. It has everything.

The special effects are amazing and shockingly accurate. I’m one to judge a film on the effect it can produce. My reaction was to have nervous laughter in the run up to points. Something that doesn’t happen for a lot of films.

If you want to cuddle up to someone this would be the film to take a date or significant other to watch. Just make sure they aren’t the ones comforting you…

The Great Cambridge Roundabout

Mr ET08 KGA. You sir are one hell of a bastard. Not only did you almost hit me but you should be ashamed of jeopardising your passengers. You looked like a 40 year old man but you lack the mentality and driving ability to match a monkey (which is a huge insult to monkeys).

North Circular is blocked off for some reason. Lanes closed So using Hedge Lane seems like a good idea. Using the left lane approaching the light to continue in the left lane I am cut off very dangerously but a guy from the right lane who knows he is in the wrong. I know exactly what to do. From windscreen wash on. Hilarity ensues.

I’m not taking these near misses as a joke anymore. I’ve been praised on my driving by instructors and family and peers and all sorts, even other drivers. Either they’re all wrong or something is going to hell. I’m following the highway code, road safety rules etc. Every time on that bloody roundabout I almost get hit by someone trying to take a shortcut or who just plain doesn’t know how to drive.

This roundabout is a death trap. People are animals – although animals know how to behave better.

I recognised one person involved in an accident – a friend’s brother. This friend who had passed their driving test just today.

So I’m a little shaken, very annoyed, quite angry and feeling hopeless thinking why the hell does this type of thing keep happening.

I won’t drive tomorrow.

That moany kid

I used to be the moaniest kid ever. Never wanting to go anywhere my aunt or other family members wanted to go, refusing to involve myself with others, moaning about the unfairness of treatment and what others did or didn’t do. What others did or didn’t have. How it all affected me…

And then that kid disappeared. I don’t remember why, he just vanished. I started letting things develop, see what happened before dismissing it. Nothing improved but I didn’t really notice things getting worse either.

Moany kid is back, and I mean “kid”. Adult tantrums don’t work. You can’t flail around and take your anger out on stuff like you used to, it’s different. Bashing your head against a wall always hurt before. It hurts more now.

Moaning about everything (in this case technology, inother cases just for the sake of it).

Go away moany kid. This is no fun.

There’s got to be one

Where’s the off switch?

In trying to print off my work in order to save time at uni and get my work in before the office shuts I attempted printing my essay using my brand new printer-scanner-combo-thing. This is all good, but when Word will not load, or your files will not open, and everything freezes and is like someone saying “haha” and kicking you while you’re down, it’s quite annoying.

5 hours sleep can be achieved if I go to sleep now…

I’m guessing that’s not going to happen ¬_¬

Dreams of work and spawns?

Basically what I recall from my last dream is this: I was using one of the handles that I uyse to pull the dollies at work (A small tray with wheels on the bottom that crates are stcked on top of) but rather than pulling a dolly, I was using it to move a pram / push-chair.

I don’t remember anything else. wtf.

London’s Burning.

I just made this statement to my sister before continuing with my anecdote.

Last week, or possibly the start of this one (time has altered now due to adding a job to my schedule) I experienced a scene quite alarming. It wasn’t the fact that the emergency services were using their sirens on the North Circular to get through the traffic build up; it was the fact that there were more than a few fire engines, smaller fire fighting units and police cars heading to a place of destination. As in, something “real” was happening.

This may seem patronising but I prefer the knowledge of thinking nothing’s wrong and they’re abusing their power. At least that way only the little guy gets stepped on.

But they proceeded to a point just past my bus’s route where they collected and seemed to be fighting / tackling a “situation” rather than a fire with real smoke and stuff (there was none).

This brings me onto this morning. On my four-day a week 5 am get up, 6 am walk to work today I saw a silent fire fighting unit coming quite quickly down my bumpy road. A car turned into a road where there was either another one of these small vehicles or an ambulance, I couldn’t quite tell, and then got stuck and honked at by the unit trying to get into the same road. Seemed a bit odd how quickly this flashy car at 6.15 am was trying to avoid a van with flashing lights but that’s another story.

So, to conclude. London doesn’t seem to be burning. I stopped and stared for about a minute trying to see if anything was going on in the road off my road. There wasn’t any bright lights or smoke either (I’m happy to say).

What I would like to know though, is what are these teams doing? Conspiracy?

On my way to dreamland, a detour to hell.

It’s hard to type on Wii.

I noticed when I opened my eyes that my animal crossing character / avatar was running forwards into a wall and destroying nearby flowers. This was not a dream, but a short while ago when I realised my body is trying to shut down. Aha.

On may way home (after buying a detective style game for DS called “Secret something”), I’m using the left lane (used to go left and straight only) of the Great Cambridge Roundabout to go straight. On my right, a gentlemen in a shinier car with a bit more oompf (still a hatchback but probably .2 of a litre more powerful) in the middle lane (used to go stright and right only), is driving very close to me and moving into my lane.

I wonder why he’s doing this as there’s plenty of room for him to go on straight ahead of me, but I see the look on his face, a look you might see in a race, when he accelarates fast (not fast enough) to cut in front of me and take a left turn…

Now, this led me to swerve left and almost end up driving into a railing / divide bewtween going left, coming from the left and going straight on. It was a near miss as I almost clipped his back, but I realised that by avoiding hitting him I could have ended up driving into a stationary object while he zooms off.

No one was harmed, I was close to home so it didn’t affect me that much, and it wasn’t a big deal about the “near-miss”. It was the nerve of the guy. He looked like someone was asking him to go out of his way to be in the right lane, and then not understand why this person in the right is driving without acknowedling his ownership of the road.

This roundabout used to be a hotspot for accidents. My mother in her Mini Metro (many years ago) was hit by a lorry driver (one of the most feared things in a small hatchback) causing the car to be a right-off, but luckily no-one was hurt.

It was the buold up of hatred for this individuals arrogance that stuck with me though, having afterthoughts like “I should have just let the car hit him in the side / back as he would have been to blame and his car could do with a few scratches”. Anoither thought was “What if I’d driven after him?”

But what would this have achieved?

I’m glad I’m tired. It means I don’t have to think too deeply into things right now. My belly is growling from around 1.30 when I last ate: chicken dippers, chips and a peking spring roll thing, which was nice even though I don’t like eating duck. I’m already past my recommended bed time, but I ‘m glad to be hitting the hay soon.

Maybe a little bit of The Twilight Zone to soothe me to sleep, eh?